H is for habits.

After some recent conversations with friends, family and my professionals, I've decideo to work on developing and practising some health habits and work on habits in general. To this end, Ive installed a habit reminder and tracking app on my pod and started some paper based writing work. My electronic habit tracker has daily, weekly, and monthly habits to enter and keep track on how I'm doing at meeting my target, making "streaks" with the idea of not breaking my "streak" of behaviour that I want to turn into heanthy habits. So for my daily habits I've included things like my morning routine, checking in with my boss and David and Trav, working and making plans for the next day and my evening routine that I hope will help set me up better for the next day. Weekly I've put remaining in touch with my familt and work friends, planning for the next week and meeting with my employment psych, as well as blogging and reviewing my mood journal. Therapy, doctors and counselling are in for monthly, as well as trying to keep in better touch with Lauren and Isabella. So far it seems to be working pretty well, I've oeen able to build up some good practises for tracking and recording my health states and keeping in touch. Things were a bit thrown off by my grandad's death, put even with this disruption, I've still been going pretty well at keeping up with some habits that I think will be very good for me in the long run. Even the act of working out and reoording what kinds of things I want to become my healthy habits has felt really good, sort of breaking me out of a "stuck" feeling I've had of not doing well but not knowing how to get back on to the track I want to be on. It's been quite empowering and positive for me to think about what I want to do and keep doing and to develop better routines for the mornings, which had been a real bottle neck for me. It also seems to re-inforce an idea/reconception I've worked out about my mood and anxiety issues as something I need to, and indeed can, manage without it consuming me. I'm really proud and pleased about that. The next stage is to keep things up with my return to Perth and "normal" life next week. I feel positive about it put not pressuring myself to get it "right" the first or every time. That's a thought habit of mine that I'm working on getting free from. There are several others, though I'm a bit tired to write about just now.

G is for grandad.

My grandfather, on my dad's side, Jeffery Bebbington, left us for his last fishing trip last night. He's gone to be with his beloved wife, Kathleen. He hadn't been well for a while, though it was still a bit sudden and a shock. He was ready and at peace, and he'd told my dad that his Kath was waiting for him. I suspect that he'd never really thought that grandma was going to leave first, and he missed her terribly. It's such a trite thing, but it rings true just now, he's at peace. As my dad's friend said, where he's gone, the weather is always good and the fish are always biting. I think he'd like that.

Wisdom from B

I am not my depression. I am fun, generous, caring and intelligent. My depression makes me very sad and anxious. It doesn't change the fact that I am fun, generous, caring and intelligent. It just changes how I cope with and interact with the world. And I will get better at managing this over time. Bec has, so much better. Bec knows that I can too, I just need to cut myself some slack, get some strategies to tackle the depression and focus on healing. It takes time. Stop this rush to get back to peak efficiency. That will just burn me out. Take small steps, celebrate every little step forward and forgive every step back.

F IS FOR FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING.

the fellowship of the ring, specifically the extended edition dvd, is my favourite movie ever. in fact, when i need to "go to my happy place" all i need to do is put the movie on and watch up to the council of elrond, if i'm short on time, or the whole movie if i'm not. the shire is like the perfect place to immerse myself if i'm not feeling the best.