Caffeine is one of the more socially acceptable "addictions" I deal with. I need a large coffee (currently I'm using a nespresso with at least two capsules) in the morning, and generally more coffee and/or energy drinks through the day to stave off the headache be keep me sort of alert. At the momenta major difficulty I'm having with my depression symptomatology is the 'brain fog' the feeling that I'm not particularly with it or awake. I also have rather big problems with surreally at the moment, jn that my dreams are both vivid and fairly mundane at the moment so it is pretty hard to tell if I am actually awake. With the fogging as and lack of realityness I'm facing I can't really think of another solution besides stimulants, though I'm acutely aware they're probably making it harder overall since I don't sleep well and I'm anxious. What's that line from fight club? "when you have insomniay you're never really asleep and you're never really awake" this is echoing through my mind pretty hard at the moment. But I have a work project that has to be done by July 31 so more coffee for me.
As for my taste in coffee, I'm pretty much a coffee philistine. I'll occasionally notice that a particular coffee I've had wasn't very good, but not memorably enough to notice abs not repeat the experience. So I enjoy espresso and latte type drinks but also just plain nescafé straight from the tin at work. I'm pretty much an energy drink philistine too, I like red bull, v, mother, monster, whatever. I can remember when I had an energy drink for the first time too, which makes me feel kinda old, since they're so ubiquitous now. It was at a screening of Alice in wonderland at carousel. And it was awesome, gave me lots of energy and dynamism and hyperactivity and enthusiasm. Like all addictions I guess, it's a big hit to start with and eventually you're having them just to feel better or more normal. I've definitely fell straight into that hole with caffeine. We each have our vices, some more "acceptable" to ourselves and other people than others.
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